It is said that talking things through with people is the best medicine when you have gone through a stressful time.  I however have decided that I shall write about my stressful time in hopes that I may help other people who, like me, have experienced similar life events.

On October 24th my life was about to be changed forever and while I was watching the events unfold before me, I didn’t really see the movie through on the film roll to see what the feature was.  So bear with me now, as I take you on a somewhat of a Journey.   It’s not a magical journey in a foreign land with battles and heroines or magical creatures.  It is a journey of one sister’s involvement with her brother who was not only an Alcoholic (There I SAID IT) but one that suffered from mental illness – specifically Schizotypal Personality Disorder.

I am the youngest of 4 children and as life’s course went,  I lived at home with my oldest brother and my parents.  Growing up my brother and I always had a somewhat connected but pleasantly disconnected (makes sense to me anyhow) relationship.  When we needed each other.. we were there for each other.  When we did NOT need each other.. we still knew that we were right next door to each other.  It was plain and simple.  We were 11 years apart in age but it never seemed to matter as we still managed to connect with each other.  That’s what siblings do.

Over the years he watched me graduate from Community college and go to work for a local business where I made an insane amount of money for my age.  I worked at this job right out of college and it damn near sucked the soul out of me.  I was an administrative assistant and much like a Radar O’reilly (for those who know MASH) for my boss.  I gave 300%.  I worked there for 10 years and while I worked there my brother continued to work at his job that he had right out of high school.  I suppose, that he never had the drive or desire to go to college, nor, did he have the will to ask someone what he should try to do.  I cannot answer for him. All I know is that when I felt that I had to leave my job at Bootcamp & Co. it was the HARDEST thing that I had to do.  It took every ounce of effort to pull off the suckers that I had allowed to latch on to me. But, I did.  I typed up my resignation letter and one day, went up to my boss and gave him the letter.  He was not a bad man.  In fact, all of my skills that I learned about getting things done quickly and making things happen no matter what.. I credit him for giving me the ability to learn that.  However, there were other elements and because of those, Susie had to leave.   The letter had been typed, the letter had been given, the letter was in his hand.

Two weeks later, it was time to leave Bootcamp & Co. after 10- years but I did it! I said my goodbyes, put my hand on the door and walked into LIFE!

The weeks that followed were very eye-opening to me.  I found that while I was free and happy my brother was having a very difficult time with my departure.  You see, it turns out that he hated his job and it made him HAPPY that I worked at I job that I didn’t like either and it made him UPSET that I left my job and that he was still in his.  My brother and I would have many conversations on how he thought leaving Bootcamp & Co. was the WORST mistake I would every make.  He would tell others about my mistake.  I would plead with him to take a chance and leave his job.  You can do it, my brother! I did! Look! See how free and happy I am.

But he did not leave.

He could not leave

For some sick reason, he was afraid.

My dear reader, I have so much more to tell you of my story. Not only is this my therapy, but, I hope that once my story is told that I can help others who may have the same problems in life and we can share our stories.

Being afraid to embrace that which we have endured only does ourselves a disservice.   It is only when we embrace ALL that we have endured whether it be  good or bad that we are made to be strong as we should be.