***BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER I WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT ALL WHO READ MY WORDS FULLY UNDERSTAND***
1) WE ALL LOVED MY BROTHER
2) WE ALL TRIED TO HELP HIM
3) HE TURNED AWAY FROM US AND MADE HIMSELF STRANGER TO US

4) I do not know why I started this blog if for any other reason to give myself some sort of outlet for all I went through. I started this before I started going to a grief therapist (whom I have seen once so far, but whom I think will be helpful) and I feel that I have to see it through.

5) A VERY GOOD QUESTION THAT SOMEONE ASKED ME..”SUSIE DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN HELP SOMEONE WHO IS AFFILIATED WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A PROBLEM WITH ALCOHOL WITH THIS BLOG????

The answer is – I do not know.

And now we resume
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the days leading up to October 24th I had been coming home increasingly later because I didn’t want to have to run into my brother sitting in my room watching TV. I was frustrated that he needed help, I was willing to give it and he refused it.

On this particular evening I came home around 12:15 and lo and behold he was sitting in my room on the floor watching TV. I was kinda snippy and I said “come on.. I really need to sleep .. I asked you nicely if you could not be in my room when I come home”. He said “ok and could you help me up”? I was like “you can’t get up on your own”? and he said “no, not really”. So grabbed his hands and I helped him up and he went to his room.

I worked on getting ready to go to bed when for some reason I went to his room and found the door was open. He was sitting in his recliner with a look of discomfort mixed with slight worry on his face. I asked him. How are you?

He said weakly.. “Ahh (high-pitched).. Not so good”

He told me that he ate the meal I had left for him earlier and that he had been having some really bad gas pains and that he also felt chills.

There was something different this time about the whole situation and I asked him the big question

Me: “do you think we should go to the hospital?”

Him: To the ER?

Me: Yes to the ER.

We went back and forth for 15 minutes on whether I should take him or not.

I left his room and went into mine to contemplate the situation.

I was not going to sleep if I knew he was in pain and he was not going to sleep because he WAS in pain.

I went back to his room sat in the opposing chair, looked at him and said ” I think we need to go” He looked at me and said really? and I said yes. He said “alright, let’s go then.. let me get my stuff together.”

It was about 12:30 now and I went and got myself dressed. I told him I would meet him downstairs.

I went into the kitchen and did two things.

I got out the bottle of aspirin and a big glass of water and popped two of those bad boys down because I knew I was in for a rough night and my blood pressure was going to need all the help I could get and then I also wrote out a note for my Mom to read in the morning that said I was taking my brother to the hospital because he was pain and not feeling well.

And with that.. we both left the house together and I drove us to the local hospital like we were going out to do a normal errand.

We arrived at the hospital ER entrance and he got out of the car and proceeded to the check in while I went to go and park. When I got in there my brother told me how happy he was to be here and he was looking forward to seeing a doctor.

We went through all the check in business and had to tell them the truth about his alcohol consumption. It was the first time he EVER said it out loud that he had a drinking problem. It was odd, very odd.

He looked so yellow.

I felt so sick.

They finally called us into the ER room and they took one look at him and they said to go and give samples etc etc.

He finally came back and sat down on the bed. He looked over at me and said “are you there” I said “yup, I am right here” and moved right close next to him so he could see me
and he was happy. We chatted for a few minutes and he asked that I make sure to bring him his cell phone so he could call people tomorrow. I said no problem.

Then they gave him Ativan to relax him. medicine to help him pass water and another drug to help him not convulse.

One drug was working quick (the Ativan) and the water one wasnt. They also asked me to have him drink this stuff so they could do a catscan but by that time he was so out of it from the narcotics they had given him.. it was almost impossible to communicate to him or for that matter get him to drink.

I started freaking out. I kept asking the ER nurse.. Should this be happening??? Can you help me??

Finally an orderly came around and was to take him for a catscan he insensitively commented to the ER nurse .. “hey is this guy you know”.. (making motions that my brother would try to assault him or harm him) to which I TOTALLY FREAKED OUT ON HIM and told him .. listen my brother is very very sick and I would appreciate if you show both him and I some compassion.. Surely you can see that he is totally knocked out and that he can’t hurt you?

He look at me very surprised.. I think he thought he was dealing with someone who didn’t come in with a caring sister.. I put him in his place and then I requested to follow him both to and from the test area. I was not going to leave my brother alone with this creep. I should have reported him to the hospital.. but in the end.. he will get his.

The results came back that my brother had two ruptured Duodenal Ulcers, ascites in his stomach and peritonitis and he needed surgery immediately. His blood pressure was something like 98/56 and dropping. He was in a really really bad state

By this time it was 5:30 and a doctor had arrived. I had to do something I had never done before and that was to sign papers for someone to have surgery.. so as I was reading all the fine print the last line item was and you don’t hold the hospital liable in the event of death… so I quickly told the doctor listen I just need to call my parents. I did and they were up I gave them the scoop and they told me do what you need to..

I signed the papers and with that they feverishly took my brother away.

I drove home from the hospital around 6 o’clock with my brothers shoes, glasses and cell phone and the biggest fear of the unknown ever.

My brother and I would not speak again until 25 days later.

To be continued…