Truth be told, the truth of things is not always pretty.  It can be downright ugly.

I have never talked about the second most life changing night of my life in this blog.  I have mentioned it in passing, but, out of self preservation, I have kept it concealed, hidden deep where I have tried not to find it.  However as I  type I feel the truth of it boiling in my veins, like molten lava waiting to be unleashed praying and hoping that someone somewhere will somehow share a similar experience with me on the level of which I crave.  I need you oh gentle reader to feel what I did that night and I in return if the need arises.. will listen to you…

I speak of the events that occurred in the early morning hours of March 9th 2013.   If you know me, and even if you do not, imagine me at work doing my normal Friday night routine of staying late at work to show movies at the library I work at.  the movie that night was The Intouchables, it was a very funny yet sentimental French film.  I thought to myself at the end of the night that I know this would be a film that my parents would like and I made sure that I secured a copy for them.  At the end of the evening I did what I normally would do and that was to go over to my friends house and we watched the movie together.. I had not yet seen it and it secured in my mind that, yup, my parents would like it.

Since I usually get out of work on the late side I tend to come home late early Saturday morning. I followed my usual routine that night.

As I pulled into my drive way the first thing I noticed was that my parents bedroom light was on.  I thought that was strange as my parents are pretty much like clock work and they rarely if ever had their lights on at the time I came home.  I knew that my Dad had a cold and I thought that maybe perhaps… he needed cold medicine and had put the light on to get it.  I proceeded to come in and lock up as normal and go into my room and get ready to hit sack.

Then came the knock on my door.  I called out “yes” and I hear my Mom say “it’s Mom” and I opened the door.  As I put my hands on the door to unlock it  little did I know that the hands on the clock that had been keeping time in my ordinary life were seconds away from stopping forever and as I opened the door I saw my Mother standing there in her pajamas and heard her say the words “Daddy” and then point towards their bedroom.

I quickly walked into their room and saw my father lying face up sprawled backwards horizontally across the bed, like he had sat up and just fallen backwards.  I quickly jumped on the bed and tried to rouse him.  His eyes were open and I was screaming at him, I was shaking him. “Daddy, Daddy are you there can you hear me?”  I pounded on his chest and I tried pathetically to give breaths and mixed with that I was dialing 911.

I got the police and told them we needed an ambulance. They said they were on route.  I went back to him and tried again and again.

I KNEW HE WAS GONE.

I REALLY DID.

I had seen death before. The look when there is no spirit left.

I saw it with my brother Tommy only 2 1/2 MONTHS before.  2 1/2 MONTHS……………………..

As I waited for the ambulance and paramedics I called my boyfriend… he came over in less than 5 minutes.  I then called my Sister and her husband and we called my Other older brother who was at work.  When it was my turn to speak to him I told him quite frankly that “Daddy is dead, the paramedics did all they could” and it was then that he yelled from the other side of the phone perhaps the most prophetic statement about the whole evening….”FUCK”